Tension

I try to unplug from my story,
But I find the dark
And I hear Lori.

I let you touch me,
And I feel my pain.
I’m tight and guarded;
Prepared for rain.

And so i breath;
Perspective open.
I try to leave the guilt,
Like token
That i picked up
Along the way
And held.
It’s in me now;

A part of me
That i can’t let go of.

So here i am,
Figuring out how to give
Of myself;
To be fully present,
While holding the past,
And while framing the future
That i see as right,

As others have expectations of me;
Different from how i see myself,
Being.

I can’t help but feed in;
Reacting in the moment
With resistance,
As i reassure myself that i am right.

Tough,
Managing self
And finding peace;
Allowing life to be as it is.

Much work to do.
I try my best to enjoy the journey,
While wondering what I’ve learned,
And where i should be headed.
Seems a deeper part of me knows
And is in control.

Allow Life to be Good

What’s your mindset
As your children grow?

When’s it time
For the swing set to go?

Memories pop out,
Within the routine.
Just as hope for their future
Comes-from that which you’ve seen.

Finding space for ourselves,
While connected with all;
Stepping away,
While minding the call;

The call to be there;
To-help show-them the-way;
We’re guarding our children,
While letting them play.

We come back to presence
Amidst the-waves of perspective.
Juggling their freedom,
While being corrective.

Keen to serve.
Setting the stage
Imparting knowledge
Of joy and of rage.

Responsibility
To protect and to guard
From others and self,
Knowing life can be hard.

So now, take a deep breath.
Keep it simple. Be true.
Have faith in the Lord.
Life is good as are you.

Tapped-in

If I’ve been there
I can tap it;
State of mind,
Like how I wrap it, up.
Hard as you want,
But mixed as you know it
The way you came,
Before you now.
How,
Is the mystery…
I know.

We keepin’ up.
Holdin’ up
Through
Perception;
Our story,
Place
In time,
Fine
To fail,
To sail,
And to run outta water.
Fine
Wherever we are,
Til we’re Not.

Like dad Shot mom,
And then himself.
My mental health left
In question.

What did i do with that,
You ask?
Moved on,
As you would,
The way we know
Together
With Love.

Tick tock.
Tip Tap.
Wrapped up.
Tapped you.
Only you can let me in
To you
Through recieving.

I give what I may.
Now
The way we know.

Healing Your Inner Child

Like an internal grind-stone;
My ring of fire.
I dance alone with shame;
As well, with desire.

I’m a reflection of strife,
Of pain, and found joy.
But, inside I pace.
As I’m protecting a boy.

Long ago wounded
He still calls out.
When I forget about him…
That’s when he’ll shout.

My inner-child
Was left behind.
As I grew up,
He’s served to remind;

“Guard yourself”.
“Loss will come”
“My Dad didn’t care
That I was his son”.

“Everyone’s selfish”.
“We’re all alone”.
“Come hide with me”.
“We’re not really grown”.

Blown Lead

Tough not-to get-down
When you blow a late lead.
The win was in sight,
But you started to bleed.

The shark smelled the blood;
Game over. Good night.
It was like a bad dream;
Wasn’t even a fight.

Momentum shifted;
A slippery slope.
Not a thing you could do.
There was no hope.

Like watching a train wreck;
You couldn’t stop it.
You knew it was coming,
But you’d-already lost it.

Did-you-take-your foot off the gas?
What exactly went wrong?
You know something changed
Before the fat lady’s song.

Whatever it was,
You-don’t-want-to be there again.
You do what it takes
So that next time you’ll win.

The Illusions From Boundaries

What about your dreams?
I-wake with a feeling,
Which can impact my thoughts,
Like walls and a ceiling.

My gut says we’re guided,
By forces unseen.
Make sense to you?
Do you know what I mean?

How can’t one wonder?
Why would you not?
As far as we know
This-is-the-one life we’ve got.

Don’t know where we come from.
Don’t know where we’ll go.
There’s no one around you
That can say that they know.

Enter-Religions and Science,
Government, and Law.
Everywhere boundaries;
Ones that we draw.

Lines that we’ve made,
But with who in mind?
For the greater good?
Who’s left behind?

Staking claims;
The way it will be.
As-with the birth
Of democracy.

Brings me to beauty;
Said to be on the inside.
The very place
Our Leaders hide;

While holding a flag
And asking for buy in;
Hidden agendas
Perfectly tie in.

Woven in
To the fabric of freedom.
Sacrificing lives (military),
We’re taught that we need em.

Thank God for all of it;
The way that it is.
Have peace in knowing
That you’re a child of His.

And, that everything is happening for a reason; a reason beyond our wildest dreams.

Moving Forward

I think of my story
As what’s still ahead.
Where the past is about
How my soul has been fed.

Fed through tragedy
With which came Love.
Call it God’s grace.
It is a gift from above.

With loss
Enter comfort;
Support-from family and friends.
A new candle is lit,
Aa another one ends.

I was witness to murder,
Then suicide.
I was just seven
The day they died;

My mom and dad
On Mother’s Day.
Left-was-me, my-sister,
And-Jay.

Shocked and alone.
Tough to explain.
Numb and scared;
Covered pain.

But, time moves on,
And I now look back.
I’ve-learned-it’s-about what we have;
Not what we lack.

Though I lost my folks,
Love was there.
In time I knew
It wasn’t too much to bare.

We were adopted by family.
We made it together.
I’ll be served in the long run,
Having survived the weather.

And, I can give back now
Through lessons I’ve learned.
I walked through a fire.
I survived getting burned.